So I've finished the first draft of Chapter Twelve. I haven't written a chapter this fast since "One Weekend." (Admittedly, I took a little time off from writing this past week for personal time. I'm having a boy!)



Perhaps because I wrote it so quickly, this chapter is in serious need of refinement, probably more so than any other chapter I've written. I've gotten some really good preliminary feedback, and I'm going to hold off on even looking at the chapter for a little while. I want to see it with fresher eyes, and maybe get my hubby to look it over as well.



I've got a family event this weekend, so unless the chapter is edited to my satisfaction tonight (highly unlikely) I still won't post for a couple of days.

Why Edward and Rosalie are important

It's interesting how many different people from different areas (fanfiction.net readers, Twilighted readers, Twilighted beta, fanfic friend) seem to feel that talking about Edward and Rosalie is out of sync with the story, that Chapter Eleven is more of an outtake than relevant to the plot.

It's so rare that I get constructive feedback that pertains to the actual story development that I am simply taken by surprise on this. Have I not been dropping hints all along? Weren't Edward and Rosalie featured in Chapter Four? Why is this coming as a big surprise?

I've known since I started this story that Edward and Rosalie would have their part to play, and the story would darken once they came into it.

It's also right in the summary: "the weight of choice and morals." Why are people so surprised that I'm actually developing the story as I said I would in the summary? That I actually introduced a moral dilemma for Bella to deal with? That I'm having her grow up first and not having her jump right in the sack with Carlisle?

In order for Bella to be the mature person that deserves to be a mate to a man like Carlisle, she can't be a teenage girl. She needs to develop her mind, and have something more in sync with Carlisle than an attraction. There aren't many eighteen-year-old girls that are prepared to take a stand for themselves as soon as something unexpected comes their way. Bella is thrown for a loop by the introduction of family members who kill, family members that will be taking a keen interest in her. I've shown in Chapters Five, Nine, Ten and Eleven that Carlisle is pained by what Edward and Rosalie do. How can people say that a scene demonstrating the beginnings of the romantic hero's private source of grief is not relevant to the story? Should I have been dropping bigger hints? Do I have to say that 2 +2 = 4?

The darkness of Edward and Rosalie bring Bella and Carlisle closer together. That's where I'm going. That's why I've been putting in references to Edward and Rosalie since Chapter One.

To truly understand why I'm getting this sort of feedback I can only suppose that my hints weren't prominent enough. I thank every reader that felt acceptance and saw that I was bringing Edward and Rosalie in for a reason.

An age guide to the vampires for the plot of "Moonlit."

Actual physical ages:

Jasper: 20

Alice: 19

Carlisle: 23

Esme: 26

Maggie: 25

Ages at the time they arrived in Forks:

Jasper: 15

Alice: 15

Carlisle: 26

Esme: 29

Maggie: 28

Supposed ages at the time of the death of Maggie and Jasper's parents:

Jasper: 12

Alice: 12

Carlisle: 23

Esme: 26

Maggie: 25

(Jessica says "like a decade ago" to Bella, but the story is only five years previous to that moment.)

Ages at the time of Chapter One:

Jasper: 17

Alice: 17

Carlisle: 28

Esme: 31

Maggie: 30

I realize that I forgot to do a "Next Chapter..." bit at the end of Chapter Eleven. Whoops.

We pick back up in November 2005, and it's the day following Bella learning from Carlisle about his two vigilante family members.

Edward and Rosalie have firmed up their plans to visit during Thanksgiving, and the decision sparks in Alice the vision that she has been missing: what will happen the first time Edward sees ~coughsmellscough~ Bella.

I've been highly supportive of an author just posting on the fanfiction.net site with some Bella/Carlisle stories. I happened to come across the description of this one shot and it interested me enough to read it.

It's another New Moon Carlisle's office scene, and it's not very long, but it is very solid. Yes, Bella is hormonal, and yes Carlisle helps her to resolve it, but there is so much more to it than that. It was one of those very rare stories that I liked the more I thought about it. The author gives Bella a strength that works for me, as I prefer to see Bella strong rather than broken. Everyone will take something different away from anything they read, so take a couple moments to take something away from this one.

"Renewal" by Zoya Zalan http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6182495/1

So, I finished the first draft of Chapter Eleven of "Moonlit." Normally this means that I will post in the next couple of days. I'm stepping away from it so that I can see it with clearer eyes and make sure it is what I want it to be. (When it comes to Edward and Rosalie's activities in this story, I am going to go places that I don't really want to go, and I for sure am not going to linger there long.)

I remember all the research I did when I wrote "One Weekend." I had a couple favorite sites and most certainly a favorite YouTube video on the Mercedes S55 AMG. I wanted to know what it felt like to be in that car, since a chunk of the story was going to take place there. It felt good, even though it may not have been evident on the page.

I have been doing research for "Moonlit," but it isn't quite the same feeling. After all, would you rather picture yourself inside Carlisle's car or inside the walls of a house built in the late 1920s?

I've been doing a lot of fanfic reading the past couple of days as well. There's one story that I came across, a two-shot called "True Mate," that I'm intrigued by. I always wondered if there were stories out there in which it actually was Carlisle who drove Carlisle's Mercedes to Forks at the end of New Moon. Lo and behold, I found one.

In the first chapter of the two-shot, I was interested because the characters remained characters. Bella's excited and relieved to see a Cullen again, and Carlisle's concern and worry is genuine. It seems perfectly right for Bella to throw her arms around him, and for Carlisle to hesitate before wrapping his arms around her in return.

The second chapter turns into a very well-written lemon, and you definitely enjoy the turn of events, particularly if you are already a Bellisle fan. There's just one problem: no actual character matching or justification. Carlisle's name could easily be replaced with any other: Jasper, even Esme. Any one of them could turn up and say: I've known all along that you were really my mate, not Edward's. With two kisses, Bella realizes the truth of this and rolls around with the vamp on her father's carpet.

Yet, it's Carlisle we get, and as it's Carlisle we want, that makes it worth the read. Did I mention that the lemon is well-written yet? :) In the meantime, the author's other story is also on my TBR list.

Here's the link to "True Mate" written by Carlisle's Mate: http://www.fanficton.net/s/6323003/1/

I've been reading my story from the beginning. Not too long ago, when I was working on chapter ten, I read only the first chapter, and my reaction was something along the lines of: "My writing used to be so good! What's wrong with me now?"

Now that I'm rereading the story in its entirety my thoughts are running more along the lines that what makes the story so good is that it is simple quality. I think now I'm trying to too hard to force in the "good stuff," and it's just coming across too hard. I need to relax and let the story simply flow.

Also, a new goal for myself: get as much of the story out as I can before the baby comes in March. That's five months, I should be able to do it, right? Riight. It's funny how when I post a chapter, it seems to actually be the season in which the chapter I wrote takes place: spring, summer, fall. Chapter Eleven is a flashback chapter to February 1934, but when we come back to the main story line, it will be November 2005.

Chapter Eleven complication

I took Wednesday evening off writing to spend some QT with my husband for our anniversary. (Hey, he decided not to correct papers, so it was a fair trade off.)

I've yet to write the conversation I have Carlisle and Edward engage in at the beginning of the chapter, but I have written Edward and Rosalie's confrontation at the end. I feel the need to redraft it because I'm worried that Carlisle is coming off as too passive. He is, after all, the "hero" of the story. As I said in the last blog, originally I didn't intend for Carlisle to be there for it at all. It is essential that Rosalie hooks Edward into her new mission, and that Carlisle has to let them make their own decisions.

I wrote more of Rosalie and Edward's confrontation in Chapter Eleven last night. It's good, but it doesn't fully satisfy, as I'm still missing some elements that I wish to put in. Originally I hadn't envisioned that Carlisle would be there to witness it, but then I realized it would be completely out of character for him to not give chase as well. I'm going to have to take advantage of Rosalie's newborn speed, Edward's faster-than-your-average-vampire speed, and their ability to quick talk conversation in mere seconds.

"Give chase?" What do I mean by "give chase?" Well, I guess you'll have to wait for the chapter on that one.

Feral beauty

Working on "Moonlit" - Ch. 11

So, as I attempt to delve deeper into the minds of Rosalie's PTSD, Edward's remorseful inner battle and Carlisle's compassionate restraint, I decided that I needed to remind myself of the kind of character portrayal I'm trying to acheive. In getting so much into Rosalie and Edward, knowing that Carlisle was going to back off and let them make their choices, I worried that I'd be forgetting that Carlisle can be quite the kick-ass. So I decided to reread my favorite piece of fanfiction: "My Lost Youth" by Edward A. Masen - Ch. 5 And Dead Shall Have No Dominion.

It's a chapter about Edward's awakening as a vampire and Carlisle's determination to keep him under control. As I read it again tonight, I just fell completey under it's spell all over again. Even as Edward turns feral and feels the need to seek out what will ease his pain, he is plagued in his mind my Carlisle's thoughts - though he doesn't recognize them for what they are. We, the readers, "hear" Carlisle decide that the best way to control newborn Edward is to scare him and be strong. The battle begins as two tireless vampires fight and struggle and basically bring Carlisle's house down.

I love the description that Edward A. Masen (a female writer) puts into every moment. Nothing is just a moment written without thought behind it. How can you not love that?

I showed the chapter to my husband once, insisting that he should read it. His comments were that it forcibly reminded him of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, in how it dramatizes the supernatural. Reading it again tonight, I think: Well, yeah. The whole darn chapter is about waking up as a vampire, and the older wiser vampire keeping the younger one under control. The whole thing is supernatural.

Honestly, the story in its entirety thus far is good, but this one chapter still done give me goosebumps.

I couldn't possibly pick a favorite line from the chapter, but my favorite moment of dialogue? :)

"I'm stronger than you," I hissed.
I felt his chest vibrate against my back in a chuckle.
"But I'm smarter."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4855866/5/My_Lost_Youth